Monday, June 20, 2005

The FootHills

Well, I have been in Albuquerque for a few days now and it has been good thusfar. I am enjoying catching up with Nathan though things are naturally strained between separated friends. We went hiking at the foot hills yesterday (which is the cause of great soreness today) and swimming and things like that. I am much enjoying the Lord and He is sustaining me a great deal. May I always be helpless before Him and rely only on the strength of His arm.

I can not believe that a year ago tomorrow Jed and I left all for Minnesota, desparate for reality and with no idea of what lay ahead- with nothing but a promise from God (and a tube of chapstick : ) How much has happened since then! How much our ways and understanding have changed! I personally feel that this has been one of the hardest years of my life - many failures and much faltering - and still I know that my fellowship with the Lord is much deeper and sweeter than it has ever been. Thank You Lord that You scourge those that you receive! May we be broken of every self-confidence in order to trust wholly in You. You are good to us.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Church: Our Sickly Body

"Bow before God in humiliation, and in that humiliation confess before Him the state of the whole Church. No words can tell the sad state of the Church of Christ on earth. Just think of the Christians around you. So little power, so little devotion or consecration to God, so little conception of the truth that a Christian is a man utterly surrendered to God's will! Of, we need to confess the sins of God's people around us, and to humble ourselves. We are members of that sickly body, and the sickliness of the body will hinder us, and break us down, unless we come to God and in confession separate ourselves from partnership with worldliness. What coldness there will be towards each other unless we give up ourselves to be entirely and wholly for God. " - - Andrew Murray (Absolute Surrender)

Simplicity of Pure Devotion

"And what do I find, then, as I look at Christ? We considered absolute surrender to God. That was the very root of Christ's life. He came as a man whom God had sent into the world, and as a man who had nothing to do but fulfill the will of God; and He came as a man who had nothing in Himself but who every day depended upon God and waited for God to teach Him, and to speak words through Him, and to show Him the works He had to do. "The Son can do nothing of Himself." He lived a life of absolute surrender to God. God's will, God's honor, God's kingdom - He lived and He died for them, and He did it, not under strain at certain times, throwing it off at other times to seek relaxation in something of the world and forgetting to hold communion with God, as many Christians do. Religion to them is a strain and a burden and a duty and it is so delightful just to relax a little and throw off the strain. Ah, no! God was Christ's joy, and the Fountain of living waters to Him, and it was His delight and His strength to live in God and for God. The will of God was His meat and refreshment and strength.

And God comes to all who say, 'My God, I have given the vow of absolute surrender; Thou knowest that though it was done in feebleness and in trembling, it was done in honesty and in uprightness. But, my God, what does it mean? How am I to live that life?' The Father points to the beloved Son, and He says, 'This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him, follow Him, live like Him. Let Christ be the law of your life.' " - - Andrew Murray (Absolute Surrender)

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Salvation Belongs to the Lord

Well, I am in Dallas for the night - still en route to Albuquerque. We officially leave tomorrow with my sister and will be with Nate and Julie tomorrow evening. I am doing very well - just remaining on guard and aware always because there are so many things that threaten our communion with God. Sometimes I feel attacked from every side - and I know more than ever how vital it is that we abide in Him.

Jed and I have been talking to Inaam, Abdallah's sister, nearly every other day. The Lord is dealing heavily with her - praise God, Salvation truly belongs to the Lord.


PS) do you like the color? thought I'd try somethin new...hehe

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Weakness

Sometimes I feel so stirred within that I feel I could take off running with all my might and never look back and at least make it to Bullard. There is something about a summer evening as the sun is setting and the scent of the grass and honeysuckles being so alive that sets you back 15 years (well...that depends on your age, for me it is 15 years). I don't remember being so sad about anything when I was 6, but I'm sure I had something like it. Anyway....for the first 30 seconds I thought I could go on and never stop...but anyway...I'm not 6 anymore.

I don't have anything good to write about. Truthfully, I am feeling so sad right now (sometimes you're too sad to think of more mature ways of saying you're sad) that I can hardly stand it. I'm glad to know it is not going to last the rest of my life, and incase that doesn't work out, someday this life will actually end. Yeah, it's true, we are not going to live this life forever : ) Jed and I are leaving by 7am in the morning to begin our trip to Albuquerque to visit Nate and Julie for a couple weeks. I will be home but a couple days before heading to Illinois (family reunion) and then (tentatively) to Minnesota for the remainder of the summer. Lord you know I am yours....I feel so weak right now...

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Well, I just spent the weekend in Dallas with my sister and her husband. It was fun and I had a good time with everyone. I saw Madagascar....it's funny - but don't take any kids to see it. I went to Julie's brother's wedding and had a really interesting encounter with a hurting man...I am still thinking about it....

I had been planning on...and getting really excited about going to the Overton Bluegrass Festival this weekend - I went a few years ago with Josh and LOVED it...but my plans were thwarted by the traveling schedule. It seems I will be doing some work for Brooke's parents this week and then Jed has some business to take care of in Austin - then we will go to Dallas and from Dallas to Albuquerque and possibly from there to Minnesota for the remainder of the summer. Jed is going to help a friend (Reggie Kelly for those who know him) build a house and earn some money. I am actually still considering before the Lord whether I am to accompany him or not - but for the moment it seems that I likely will.

Once again I say, only pure hearted adherence to Jesus can uphold a life of uncertainty in this world. I trust that He is accomplishing His will in me. While I can say boldly that I do seek God's will and not my own...my will is still glancing always to its own pleasure - I hope you understand when I say I seek needily to "experiencially" know the world as crucified unto me and I unto the world. May the Lord be with your spirit.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Did you know..?

That on my sister's wall in her classroom, these are actually "essential rules". I am bored at my sister's school in Dallas...so here are my finds.

1) Follow the specific classroom protocols.
2) In a hotel room, leave a tip for the hotel workers who clean your room.
3) Do not bring smelly chips into the school building.

Wow...but really, don't you remember Funyuns?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

4 Eyes

Well, it finally happened. I officially wear glasses. Okay, so it's not all that bad - they are just for reading -but I must admit that I was pretty bummed to lose my title of having perfect vision. Apparently I am vertically imbalanced. I knew I was imbalanced...but I didn't know it was vertical. But I went for an exam because I always thought my books had typos...and therefore thought maybe I was going crazy (because of course there wasn't anything wrong with my vision) but alas...my eyes were making the words stack up on top of eachother.

Many things are in my head right now...something inside is still saying, "Surely there is more..." and I know that there is...but there aren't too many people that I see that have anything I desire. I have been reading some biographies lately...and I am amazed to see how normal Oswald Chambers and Watchman Nee were. They asked the same questions and had the same problems as I have. Watchman Nee's biography is particularly moving...that man knew what it was to be crucified to the world and the world unto him...and what it was to bear in his body the death of Jesus. I can't write any more right now...I am tired and can not possibly do this subject matter any justice. Til soon.