ranting

Many people today think the current state of politics is nothing more than an issue of a social and political pendulum that systematically swings to and fro every few decades. If that were the case, we could comfortably believe that somewhere within the disparities of humanity there exists a natural balance that will always give us an underlying sense of moral gravity. However, if this is not the case and we rather are blithely strolling down the unalterable path to complete and utter moral depravity that has so long been called by the name of all that is good and right, there is much to fear. This may be phrased dramatically, but I contend that the urgency of the subject deserves no lesser language than that which could awaken and expose. Too long have we idly stood by while our minds are being hijacked by what we lazily perceive as good ideologies!

I will be the first to admit that I despise politics. There’s only one thing that upsets me more, and that is people who think they actually understand politics. I do not care how intelligent a person is or how well-read – when the lies and egos are as twisted and dense as a cotton wool, how do we suppose that we are qualified as arbiter and judge of mere smoke-screen issues (i.e. abortion, death penalty, border control, gay-marriage, etc.) when they are obviously aimed at compartmentalizing truth which I hold to be a unified, inseparable entity. Truth alone cuts through the cotton wool and judges to the very heart of man. Truth cannot be a truism, it cannot be a fact – it cannot be stretched, distorted or used. Every part of truth must be the exact representation and contain the fullness of the whole of truth. Politicians will always polarize moral issues to gain leverage for their own agendas. I think looking into politics requires vigilance and diligence so as not to be lured by the purposeful appeal since we can not fully understand the purpose. If we neglect to do so, we will have debased ourselves to the station of a dumb brute that can be led around by a lump of meat in front of our noses.

I recently read an article by Matt Taibbi in the November edition of the Rolling Stones magazine. Normally I really do not care much for their articles – but I cannot help but notice how profoundly they expose the increasing moral depravity of our times. This particular article was about national legislature and the U.S. Congress of today. While vast atrocities were being enumerated, my mind began to draw connections to Hitler. I know, I am not the first person to say such a thing – but think about it! Every administration has blood on its head, but there is a different quality to this round. There is an unbelievable lack of accountability in the Whitehouse. The Military Commissions Act of 2006 (“colloquially known as the ‘torture bill’”) which is being rushed, gives the president the power to do monstrous things without fear of being questioned or punished in the future. The way has been paved for an authoritarian government. Do you recall that Germany was a democracy when Hitler passed a few laws at an opportune time so that he was legally appointed as dictator? This action doesn’t necessitate a coup. It’s legal, baby. One day parliament mysteriously burns down, and the next day they had a dictator!

Okay, I'm tired now, so I'm going to cut to the chase...I'm talking about the republican party. I'm sure most politicians are corrupt, but what this administration has accomplished is enough to make us all sweat if we just knew better. Perhaps I will finish this another day...I just needed to get it off my chest...

Expostulate

There are too many plausible reasons why life is just not working out for me right now. I am tired, I am stressed, I am uncomfortable, I am confused. In relational conflict, or when my will is cross the up-teenth time in a day, I literally act as I have never acted before. I act as though I am a child unable to swim tossed into the sea. I throw this huge tantrum, I say many an unintelligable thing, and I flail my arms wildly. Well, maybe not so much the flailing part....but I was trying to find how I was going to make the "child at sea" comparison work. Don't worry, it fits perfectly in my mind. This is a serious battle I have with myself these days. I have no external freedom of my own...which is only exposing my lack of inner liberty. Let's not be abstract here. My life is as such: I have no car and am forever at the mercy of the plans of my driver. Sometimes I am so tired, yet I am forced to stay up because I can not get home. I can not eat the way I want...I eat last minute, unplanned, rushed meals at a coffee table with 2 annoying dogs begging at my plate. I can not take showers in the morning or blow-dry my hair or put on make up at my own home. I have to stumble in the dark and just get out the door with all my stuff to go to work and continue getting ready there. I am in love with the most stubborn and impossible man (possibly) ever born who is going through the most painfully difficult time of his life which seems never to end. I have no idea what to say or how to live with him most the time. I am planning a wedding to take place in 2 months amidst war and inner turmoil.

I imagine to the reader (if infact this person exists) this sounds like just a lot of complaining. How selfish when people are dying and losing everything. Who cares about your hair and make-up or table cloths and dinnerware at a time like this?? Not really me...but I would appreciate a little moment to pity myself here. It isn't like war and international crisis is more real than my fight with Abdallah over where we are buying home furnishings.... the latter is more easily resolved than the former (so you'd think). All this muddled meandering mess of a blog is really just to let out my anger toward myself and God. Come on! Let up on me here!!! My whole life I've been fighting. I fight everyone, everything - I'll tell you where the real perpetual strife is....right here inside us all. There is no unity to anything we think, feel or believe. I am so divided against my self I have never stood. Everything is fragmented for me...atomised, every detail is a whole new delemma for me to try to understand and apply effectually. Blah, I don't know what more to say, I hoped that I could say it clearly. But alas and anon....I am signing out for now.

sugar daddy?

What a life...something enormously disturbing has been happening lately. I don't know why, but it seems that at least once a week and am approached in all earnestness by a considerably older man (40-70yrs) for a romantic relationship. Do I have a giant sign on my forehead reading "geriatric friendly" or something? God forbid that anyone under the age of 40 be attracted to me! So unnerving. What really pushed me over the edge was being approached by a man in his 70's the other night. He has been watching me and (ick!) flirting with me for the past 2 or 3 years - I have always tried to avoid him...but oh...the night before last he cornered me when I could not get away...asked if he could take me out for a drink...I just smiled and said "that's nice"- you know, hoping this was just playful joking- but no! he replied in a creepy, insecure flirtatious way "so is tha t a yes or a no?". UGH. He is an intelligent, wealthy man...still working....what does he want with someone almost 50 years younger? Okay....this is just plain ranting at this point - but I hope someone finds this humorous...oR DISTURBING like me.

Pastorpreneurs

I was reading an article in the December-January issue of The Economist titled "Jesus, CEO". From the title, you should see where this is heading. I just want to share a quote...

"Jesus picked up twelve men from the bottom ranks of business and forged them into an orgnisation that conquered the world...His parables were the most powerful advertisements of all time". -Bruce Barton, an adman turned evangelist and author of the 1925 bestseller, "The Man Nobody Knows".

"Let there be lightening" -The Economist

Good News

Not THE good news...just plain ole good news. I went to a supposed genius specialist today, a new friend of mine through Obee's and other customers. He wanted to see me about my back and joint problems. Well, he concluded that my adrenal system is shot which keeps my body from being able to fight inflammation. He looked at me and remarked that he could not believe that I am able to work and be friendly with this problem. He read me like a psychic and I didn't even have to tell him hardly anything. All the random, seemingly unrelated discomforts that I experience were suddenly threaded together and made perfect sense. He was very confident that within this year I should be nearly completely better. It seems too good to be true, but others have told me about these miraculous turnarounds his patients experience and that I am indeed in superb hands. I am so excited right now!

Jane Eyre

I really love Jane Eyre. What a great book! Why have i never read it before? Well my sister has started mailing me books when she finishes them....i rather like that. This is definately going to expose us for the nerds that we are...but we actually discuss them at length over the phone. This has become one of my favorite things - just talking to my sister each day about things which no one else in the world would likely engage with me in conversation.

What's New?

well...I am going to a holistic doctor on Thursday...pretty excited - he's an acupuncture, chiropractic herbologist. haha. I have been told by a VERY trustworthy reliable source and fellow co-worker of his that he is known for his huge success rate with hopeless cases.

Also, I just realised that I haven't had my hair cut since May.....that's about 8 months. I have been talking about making an appointment for about 6 months.

What else....that's all for now...I will write later.

Emails With Reggie

Hello, I am just dropping a note to say hello. Yesterday I actually had to wear a long sleeve t-shirt outside...it was distressing, but today we are back to wearing t-shirts and still being warm outside : ) so we're okay now. I think about you guys often...and though my prayers don't "feel'' like much, I do pray mercy and rest for you. Maybe it isnt about getting to that christian nirvana state while we're here...maybe it is about being wounded in the struggle until you learn to hide yourself in Him and find all you need in Him. At any rate...i'm still whining that things are hard...but trusting more boldly still : ) There is still a bit of a riff between Jed and I. I have been thinking lately just about how we respond when we finally realize that we really can't push any more and that these fad-spiritual-diets aren't working (because at the end of the day we still love our pleasures no matter how much we tell ourselves ''no''). Some people muster up more strength to give it another go, others get angry and start grappling for something self-justifying to get them sleeping at night...and then others cling to God and cry out for mercy believing that God gives grace to the humble. I have gone through all these approaches to find that only one leaves such a sweet savor in your soul. There is nothing more pleasant than the saint who has been humbled out of their self-righteousness only to FINALLY receive the unconquerable grace that is in Jesus...the kind that teaches you to deny ungodliness and to wait on God. I hope that experience and maturity...and of course the very love of God will take me there and sustain me as I go on in Him. Somedays I feel like such a failure...so confused at what it should look like to be a believer -and terrified sometimes. Other times I am unshakably confident that He is faithful and will see me through to completion. But what is that ringing in my ears ''I will not strive with you forever''...torture to my soul. Anyway, God help me, sometimes I am falling apart. Sorry for the journal-like email....sometimes I just need to talk to someone...


Much love to you and your family and the community in the one who keeps it all together,
Em


Dear Emily, it's actually a blessing to hear you talk like this. Welcome to the realities of the faith. You are working through these things towards a balance that will bring a measure of stability over time, yet not without those occasional upsets and afflictions that are no less a part of the Christian life as of all life. It's just that in the case of the Christian, there is a sovereign God working 'all' for a perfect good. I would even say, a perfectly tailored good in each individual believer's life. That though there is a common salvation, the Lord's intention and work in each individual believer is so necessarily unique and distinctive that each receive a stone that can only be read by that individual. This speaks to me of a uniquely distinct pilgrimage and formation in God that is distinctive to each one of God's dear children, His elect. It is eminently personal and distinctive. No one in all the history of souls will know and experience our common salvation in quite the same way, though, of course, there is also a certain same-ness. This is why the apostle could say that we are each to work out our "own" salvation, but with fear and trembling, BECAUSE (all the more because), we know it is God that is 'working', both to will and do of His good pleasure (and that good pleasure is distinctive to that child). I often say that perhaps the safest evidence that it is the Lord doing and willing is the presence of a God quickened fear and trembling. I don't have to tell you that to "work out" our salvation is world removed from "working for" that salvation, as some poor souls have read that passage, and even now quote it to me to remind me that our salvation is not a 'workless' proposition. I pity that naturalistic reading of scripture and pray that God will give them repentance to the acknowledgment of the truth, as God knows that in their sincerity, they oppose themselves. Sadly, I speak of some of our Hutterite brothers and sisters. Talk to you more soon, Reggie