Don Something er Other

I just had about an hour long conversation with the author of the book I'm reading. Okay, so he wasn't actually there, but - just the same. We argued mostly and he even won most of the time - but I don't think it was because he was right, more because his way sounded more logical and mine in the moment seemed rediculous. Yeah, I guess the fact that I am writing on a blog about a fake conversation with Don Something is rediculous too. I suppose it didn't even have to be Don, I very well could have been arguing with myself (okay shutup...I know that IS what I was doing). So anyway - my main problem with him was that his book was too down to earth, I loved it because I am so much like him, and I hated it because I am so much like him. He seemed to write in such a casual and comic way as to glorify his imperfections. I heard myself saying, "Hey! me too!" alot...which made me mad because I knew that was probably what he wanted me to do. Well I'm going to think about this more before I talk about it. Why I began writing about Don is beyond me.

Last night I listened to a message by David Wilkinson....or Wilkerson called A Call To Anguish. I have never heard someone speak with so much pain in their voice as though their gut was being wrenched by their own words. For the first time in a long time, I felt that this public display of emotion was very pure...and this man desires holiness in the Church more than I have learned to yet. I felt like I had been set on fire...my cheeks felt warm and I couldn't wait to get to my room and pray. The past 2 nights with God have been strangely deep and real - it isn't every day that you cry out from the bottom of your soul and feel wholly honest that you really do want to be found pleasing...and so full of sorrow that you find your heart so fascinated by other things. How good God is to us...

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=3843

okay, now he looks just plain scary... 

Jed with his Arabic tutor, Inaam 

Jed with Samira...beautiful beautiful woman 

View of Sunset over Mediterranean from our apartment...did I spell that right? And why the heck did I capitalize so randomly? 

Old Faithful 

The 2 Sisters I Love 

Me and my Arabic tutor, Sarah 

baby birdies.... 

Raw Sheep Liver 

from the balcony of our apartment  

mmm...Turkish coffee 

I just got one question for you...Can you deal with THIS?!?! 

So...What Now?

Well, I returned from Lebanon a couple days ago...we were awake from 7am Thursday morning (Lebanon time) until 6am Saturday morning (Lebanon time). That is about 47 hours. Imagine. I actually feel great physically, not as jetlagged as I anticipated. I can't really feel that I've been to another country even. Needless to say, I'm just not sure how I am to re-adjust. I really just don't know how I should go about describing my time in Lebanon especially in blog-form. The time was fruitful, definately ordered by God - and though I am not sure what all transpired beneath the guise, however I am fully confident that God has mercy on all of our shortcomings and has glorified Himself. We spent most of our time with Abdallah's family in a little villiage called Gharife up in the mountains. It was beautiful beyond comparison - and now I know why Soloman always spoke of the beauty and fragrance of Lebanon. Jed and I managed to pick up the language supernaturally fast - and began reading and writing in Arabic within 1 week. God gave us favor with the family and we found a deep bond particularly with 2 of his sisters. I also met the most important political figure in Lebanon, Walid Jumblatt because Abdallah's brother-in-law is friends with him through his involvment with the PSP (Progressive Socialist Party).

Okay, I am realizing that there is literally no way that I will be able to touch the surface of my time in Lebanon. I will now proceed to just tell you what strange things I ate while there. Okay, I refused to eat the raw sheep liver because it was too bloody (though Jed and Julie both tried it), but I did eat raw beef, raw goat, and tiny baby birds (just snap off the head and feet...the bones added a crunchy texture...yum).

I am at a very strange place inwardly. I feel so torn inside about several things. I am my own worst enemy right now - and that "voice of (purported) wisdom" is telling me to do things that my conscience won't allow. I just have to take it day by day...everyday I make it without making that phone call, or writing that email is a sigh of relief on my pillow. I wonder if it will ever get easier. Well now I've done gone and made myself cry...I am just going to leave it at that.