I can't seem to find the middle ground. My spirit either soars or buries its head in the ground. Today it is eating daisies stem first. I feel disconnected - like I'm not getting any traction- - in prayer, in reading, in relationships, etc. I wish things would come to a temporary halt so I can just get caught up...but I feel like life is dragging me slowly behind - days wasted. When I over-analyze, I feel frustrated...but when I don't think about it....I feel dead! I feel silly for rambling like this on an online journal - but perhaps it will assist me in thinking these things out.
Tonight I had dinner with my parents, Dr. Hector and his wife and his nurse and her husband and 4yr old son. It was rather enjoyable, and I spent most of my time making obsene faces at the 4yr old (who had the makings of a mullet) to which he would burst into constipated laughter. Speaking of constipate, I have a new word for you : Constuprate - which means to ravish or debauch. I stumbled upon it while I was checking my spelling of "constipate". Anyway, while I was at the restaurant, I saw the young gentleman (if there is anything gentle about him I do not know as of yet) to whom I referred to as vitriolic or caustic or something in a previous entry. He brought our food to us and tried not to make eye contact with me. I suddenly remembered how after asking, "Has anyone ever told you before that you aren't a very nice person" and my apologies he said very curtly, "I don't care, I'll probably never see you again". It occured to me that this was my third time since that encounter to see him this week. I wanted to tell him, but at the same time I wasn't quite ready to confirm his conjecture of my cruelty (Did you notice my triple alliteration?! Yesssssss)
I'm going to end this, but just food for thought. If you are ever at a restaurant deliberating over whether to be gluttonous or wasteful, just get a doggy-bag.
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