I have actually looked forward to writing this evening. This really gives me a chance to exhale the day...to think and process. Well, something very significant happened yesterday-- I became an adult. I know it seems silly - but allow me to be very silly for a minute. My grandpa had an anxiety attack early in the morning and called me to tell me his head felt crazy and he needed me to come be with him. I figured he was stressed because my grandmother (who was in the hospital) is the one who fills his pill box each week, and the supply had ended and he needed refills on certain medications. So I calmed him down, fed him (he thought himself helpless) filled his med-box and went to the pharmacy to get his perscriptions refilled. As I was pulling out of the pharmacy, a bizarre sense came over me and almost pulled over. My mouth was open and I had that expression of shock for a few seconds and then exclaimed outloud, "I'm an adult!" My mother laughed at me when I told her the news, and said "I thought you've been that for 3 years!" - which is rediculous...on a person's 18th birthday, no one waves a magic wand that makes them suddenly an adult. However, when I consciously realized that I am responsible for another human being...it happened. Something irreversible took place in me. Crazy I may be...
Further breaking news: My grandmother was released from the hospital today and now I don't have to drive back and forth between the house and the hospital everyday to take care of her and my grandfather. Splendid! But...I have to give her injections in her stomach twice a day..!!!
Now on a more personal note. It never ceases to amaze me how pointed and applicable the daily selections from Oswald Chambers are for me. I have really been fighting doubt this week - not because God is not good, but because I am so bad. I become so frustrated and horrified at the thought that Jesus and Redemption aren't all that I thought them to be. I have been feeling hopelessly ignorant and irredeemable. Just the past few days I have expressed this fear and frustration with a few saints and lo and behold....today's "My Utmost..." hit it dead on. Here's a piece of the text that will give you an idea,
"The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for -- love and justive and forgiveness and kindness among men-- will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity,, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted."
And here's the best part:
"If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified, There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or freamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. 'Because thou hast kept the word of my patience.' Remain spiritually tenacious."
Guys, take heart...God is good and He is justified in all he says and does. His word is sure and our calling is not 'for naught'. "Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered." This is true even when it comes to our own victory (or defeat) experienced. Those who wait on Him will NEVER be ashamed.
It seems that we are all experiencing something of this right now. I’d been thinking lately about the My Utmost passage that talks about God’s silence…this morning it was the first page I saw when I randomly opened the book to October 11 (http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/utmost/10/11/). The text ends with, “If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy – silence.” I think we’re probably all experiencing a bit of silence of late – and perhaps the best thing about it is that, whereas before we’d moan and sulk through it, we’re at a place now where we quietly endure it and trust that God has these things under control. Not to say that we (or I, at least, since I speak for myself) don’t still moan and sulk a bit, but there is definitely a greater depth of peace and understanding (which ironically seems to be the understanding that I don’t really understand anything).
ReplyDeleteI think Chambers is right on about our hopes being purified in the midst of disappointment. All of our hopes and expectations originate from this world, and God is crushing those for something greater – Spirit and Truth.