Valentine's Day

And my plans? I was going to go out to eat with a couple of friends and a couple of their friends. I was to meet them at the gym where they would be working out at 6:30p. I sat in my car reading for a while and then glanced up and saw the girl inside the gym and I felt a sudden flash of anger in my gut. To this moment, I am lost as to what that was or what it meant. All I know is that the flash devoured every desire I had to engage in conversation or expend my energy in socializing tonight. So I picked up my phone and left a message on her cell phone, something about having to get up so early and just wanting to head home and go to bed. Partly true, as it was, the perfect truth was that I was simply no longer in the mood. Rather than Thai I drove through Chik-Fil-A. I was lost somewhere in thought when I heard the boy at the window say, "Hey, aren't you going to smile? Aincha' happy?". I just kinda looked at him and gave him some semblance of a smile and realized that the muscles in my face weren't really willing. But then I thought to myself, "He said 'aincha'...that kinda makes me happy". As I drove down the road leading to my house, contemplating that rush of venom earlier, I saw 2 dark figures dressed in black walking down the road in the dark. I amused myself by imagining that they were Mormon missionaries and hearing them say some chincy thing that would be on a Christian tract about God and Valentine's Day...I am sorry to say that this also made me laugh. But now I am safe at home, away from the terrors of the world and trivial encounters that amount to no more than a spit in the sea. Regardless of what you think, I am not cynical tonight...just a bit too contemplative for my own good.

I feel very good today....God treated me like as though I were the most virtuous woman today - it lifted my spirit. I know what I really am, but He seems not to notice. I suppose perhaps it is He who knows what I really am...and in my ignorance I prefer to be whipped everyday for it. Anyway...enough for tonight.